Coldguy on Emptiness

This one is going to be a bit somber, just giving the warning now.  Lately I have been a tad...empty and my feelings are more then a tad emotional on twitter.  I have come to the realization recently and it is hard to get over it.  For those who do not know I have been working in IT for over 6 years, I went to school to work on IT, and have been in several companies ranging from giant mega corporations to small independent shops.  I have been trying to find a new job that would increase my salary and be more acceptable to have a somewhat normal schedule (sorry guys I need to go to bed 3 PM is past my bedtime).

In the months of stealthy searching (do not tip your hat until you 100% know what is going on) I think I might have found the place, it would be M-F during the day, I would work in Sys Admin/Help Desk and the benefits from my understanding would be up to par.  The only problem is that I may need to take a pay cut in order to get the job.

Now I have been told before in the past that after X months I would be evaluated and the potential for a raise would occur, my current job told me this when I was hired and 12 months would reward me for my efforts.  Needless to say they are over 16 months late on this.

So here I am, thinking about leaving a quiet 3rd shift job to essentially get a job 1st shift doing more things at less money.  At this point my head just went and snapped and realized that I need to get out of here.  Not just out of the company but out of the industry itself.

I joked about having a Midlife crisis at 25 however from the looks of things, this is a midlife crisis.  Questioning the decisions you made in the past that you chose to ensure a successful life.  I enjoy working with computers, and wanted to be a sys admin for a medium sized company, however in my IT workings all I ever had was entry level with a little stint at manager before the contract got torn apart (screw you India outsourcing places, not the people working there but the companies using them).

So at this point I came to the fact that I am going to be stuck in entry level hell with little to no chance to actually move on the place I want to go, so now what do I do?  I can not afford an apartment on my own, I am scraping by paying the bills, getting gas in my car and food is difficult at times, I am breaking even and living paycheck to paycheck sucks balls.  I just don't have the drive I once did in this industry to succeed.

So this emptiness has enveloped in me, I did some searching and found a few things that simply filled me with enjoyment while working

• Reading Books
• Writing Book Reviews
• Creating stories/environments
• Encouraging debates on various subjects
• Analyzing Video Games (not merely playing them)
• Discovering Music
• Playing Board Games

From the information I gathered I found that a happy job that would encompass all these things would be a writer for a video game based company, and the means to get into the industry is one that is simple enough to take place.  The IGDA has chapter meetings around the world and my local branch would allow anyone to attend its meetings and then using my social skills try to network with people to see if I can get a foot in the door in testing and work my way up.

If I were to go this route however I would essentially be throwing away the majority of  my degree and 6 years of professional experience to work on a dream and an opportunity that will most likely pay less then what my bills allow me to have.  So I am at an impass, either stick with the grind and hope this company will make due on what they say, or be prepare to network and potentially move across country for an opportunity to satisfy me.

Damn it life why are you so complicated?